I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
