Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
