How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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