hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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