Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
