Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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