addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
