I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
