someone get that fucking seahorse.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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