We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
