I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
