At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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