any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
