Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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