Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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