just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
