You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
