fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
