I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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