She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
