I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I woke up under a house in Key West
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
