i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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