How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
