Do you still have your period?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
