I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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