You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
