Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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