I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
