You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
