and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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