Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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