Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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