i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i've created a new STD.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
