She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
