we're chasing vodka with high fives
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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