on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
