Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
