I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
