found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
