Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize