I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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