she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
