I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
