its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
