Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
