My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
