i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
