hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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