I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
