just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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