Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
