dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Bring me that man meat
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.