A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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