I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
