i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
