Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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