Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
