I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
