Can i not drive my cunt home
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
