better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i dont even know how to be here
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
