So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
